:Erik rant number one…in which consists of Gerry Phantom phans and a whole lot of plushy mayhem:


Right…how many of us have been introduced to the Phantom of the Opera through the 2004 movie? Yeah, yeah a whole freaking lot I know, and some of you have read the book, seen the play…the list goes on.

Sure the movie was good, and  I’ll even vouch and say Gerard Butler is a wonderful piece of man to look at, but no, I hate to disappoint he is not the wonderfulness that is and will be Erik.
The Gerry Phantom…or Gerik apparently as I am seeing that he is becoming called. This is actually quite funny in its own right, I mean Gerik? Either Gerard or Erik they aren’t the same person…ah I’m side tracking myself.

Right, The Gerik…heh, I can’t help it, the name is funny, anyway, The Gerik is a brooding, sun burned, composer-but-can’t-sing-and-damn-those-puppy-eyes-he-must-will-every-female-in-the-blinking-movie theater-to-suddenly-abandon-their-seats-and-squeeze-him-until-his-eyes-pop-out (here I pause for a breath) Phantom.

Technically I shall classify him as a social outcast who just happens to have a really oddly tanned and muscular body, and comes complete with an obsessive disorder. All Christine’s are fools for leaving any version of Erik, but hello…I think she must have passed out one too many times because in that movie…Erik surpasses Raoul in good looks…which we all know…he does anyway BUT ENOUGH OF THAT!
He has a lair…full of magically lit candles that light up after they appear out of the water…he has a music box! (Break here…hurray for the music boxes!) And a mannequin. He has a cloak that most phans would kill to steal…what they would use it for I am not sure…and I possibly do not want to know.

Right…has anyone noticed that The Gerik also seems to have taken a liking to Christine’s stockings? If you look real close you will see that Christine has her stockings on during the Music of the Night sequence, but the next morning…magically and mysteriously they are gone…relate it to the look on his face when The Gerik sees her standing by the room…”shit…she knows about the damn stockings.” My brother thought of that…crazy moron that he is…

Now…the next category…The Gerik is prone to a slight overdose of angst…angst and, wait for it…angst. Brooding is some type of art form, well after all he is playing an Erik you might as well have a talent in one thing even if it ain’t singing, buddy. I suppose we all sort of find this rather attractive in a man…angst. Don’t know why, possibly because we can all relate to different problems; so angst and brooding is not necessarily a bad thing…but overdoing it, yes, it is.

If you want to see a really well done acting job on Erik then I would recommend the position of Gerik phan girl, Gerard does a good job in acting him…just wish he could sing a little bit…oh well so much for being nice, a lot better than he did.


:A Guide to Gerik Phan Girls:

I suppose I should take a pause and mention here I am not trying to be mean or rude to anyone person or group…we’re just having some fun here…right, with that being said onward…

The Gerik phan girl, or shall I start off with the Gerik writer phan girl…is probably prone to Erik Christine pairings and bashings of Raoul, nothing wrong with that at all. Some have not read the books or heard the Broadways Soundtrack. (Again, SOME, not EVERYONE) So naturally they assume The Gerik is the God of all Phantoms…can we call him the Sex of all Phantoms? Because out of all he is probably the more…one prone to wearing seriously tight pants during a certain Masquerade scene. Yes I raise my hand…I’m guilty of staring, but who isn’t after all most of us who have read and heard all versions eventually end up obsessing over all of them….I mean…why else would I start going off on a rant that isn’t even making sense anymore?

Right, if, Gerik, you are confronted with a horde of phan girls…there is no point in running…you will only tire yourself out and that will put you in an even greater point of danger. Either do one of the following if you ever find yourself in these drastic situations…Punjab or throw them your cloak…chances are they’ll start arguing over the cloak and you will be able to make a safe get away. Under no circumstances should you remove your mask…this makes phan girls go into a crazed state of hysteria rather than scare them. Remember Geriks…they want to see you…I mean it in every aspect of the phrase…

On second thought…forget punjabbing…the lasso also tends to make the girlies crazy as well. They want to antagonize you…hell they want whatever you are going to give them…so your best bet is to back away slowly…they can sense adrenaline rushes as well so remaining calm is a must, if a quick escape is needed; smash a mirror, scuffle down a dark corridor…you know…the usuals.

If you want go for an extremely drastic and risky approach, then become happy…very…very…nausea inducingly happy. Phan girls Hate a happy Gerik….well we all do want to see a contented and slightly smiling Phantom, but if you overdo it…trust me this is a major turn off…if necessary become fluffy. Spew out cute phrases or lyrics…come on you’re the creative mastermind thinks of SOMETHING!

Oh, and one more thing…Good Luck Gerik phan girls are possibly the most ravenous phans you will encounter; if they want it…man, you bet you’re all-to-tight red pants they’ll get it.

This concludes my Gerik Rant….sorry If you didn’t like it, odd things tend to hit a body when they have no more work to do…